Snapshots
by Your-hollywood-tragedyx3
Summary: It's nights like these where her memories are strongest. When she's seated alone in her apartment, staring at the city through her window. Little things replay in her mind, like snapshots of pieces frozen in time. On Hiatus for now.
1. 01

**Note: **I plan to re-upload 'The space between,' but I wanted to fix it first. Too many glitches that I didn't like. This takes place in season 11.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own it.

**Chapter summary: **Alex reflects on the night she left for witness protection and gets a surprise visitor.

_And I need something to help me sleep._

_When I know you're not good for me._

_And I need something I can keep._

_From the empty space in between._

_From the empty space in between._

Sleep-Meiko.

Chapter One.

Alex Cabot did not cry often, but when she did, it was normally within the privacy of her own home. The only time she recalled crying in public was the night she was sent into witness protection.

That night haunts her like a reoccurring nightmare, mainly because that night for her, _was_ a nightmare.

Her body was shaking as she did her best to cross her arms over her chest. One was in a sling, from where she'd been shot and the other was in the sleeve of her tan jacket. Olivia and Elliot were standing before her, the Marshall's off to the side, ready to whisk her away.

She watched as Olivia's eyes clouded up with tears and Elliot gawked in disbelief.

"Alex?" Olivia's voice was soft, the word coming out rather strangled and no louder then a whisper. It was so quiet that Alex had to strain to hear. The wind whipped her pony tail as she gave the detective a small smile.

"How long?"

She could only shrug her shoulders. Speaking right now would be incredibly stupid. Her voice would give away the fear and anger she was feeling inside. Before she could say anything else, Agent Hammond motioned for her to head back to the car. Sucking in a breath, she stood there for a moment longer-lingering, remembering everything about these two people in front of her, about New York, her job, and most importantly her old life she'd be leaving behind.

She wanted to lean forward and hug the two so bad, but she couldn't move. She was frozen, with hot tears pouring down her cheeks. There was so much more she wanted to say, do, but she didn't have the time or the strength. One wrong move, wrong word and everything would come crumbling down again.

She found herself back away without really realizing it. It barely registered in her mind that she was now sitting in the car again. She glanced back once more at the Detectives, and found herself locking eyes with Olivia for a moment before nodding to the Marshall to close the door.

Within seconds she was off.

….

Alex frowned at the memory as she sat on her couch, nursing a mug of chai tea in her hand. It burned her throat as it went down, but she didn't mind. Her eyes were fixed on the window that showcased all of Queens to her. She'd missed this, the nights where she sat on the couch in her living room and watched the snow fall lightly over the city. She missed opening her windows and breathing in the air. She missed the sounds, the life of the people here-everything in Wisconsin was dull and quiet.

It'd been an entire year since she was back and in that time she'd managed to return to her old job and regain her friendship with the detectives in the unit. Alex turned her head to the sound of a knock. Sighing softly, she set her mug down and trudged to the door-finding a sobbing Olivia standing on the other side. She didn't ask questions, just opened the door a little wider to allow her inside.

Olivia shakes her head as Alex helps her to the couch. Sitting her down, she covers the brunette with the afghan that rested on the chair across from her before heading into the kitchen. It takes no more then ten minutes before she's back with a mug of tea for the brunette who's sobs have finally settled into small cries, with little hiccups here and there.

She takes a seat beside Olivia, leaning forward to brush the hair out of her eyes. A small, sad smile grazes Alex's face as she pulls Olivia against her chest. No words were said about the small exchange between them, nothing needed to be. They just chalked it up to two best friends, being there for one another.

Olivia finishes her tea in due time, and sets the mug back on the coffee table before reassuming her position against Alex's chest. Alex's mug of tea sits forgotten beside Olivia's on the table. She doesn't care about it, just about helping the brunette. She wraps her arms around the older woman's torso and smiles when she hears the soft, even breathing escaping from her mouth. Olivia's fallen asleep, she inquires silently and It's possibly the most beautiful sight she's seen.

….

She watches the brunette, like she has been for the past two hours. A stray piece of hair falls in front of Olivia's face and Alex brushes it back lightly, tucking it behind her ear.

Olivia stirs rapidly against Alex's chest, reaching up to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

"Why, good morning sleepy head." Alex muses, smiling lightly. Olivia's face scrunches up in confusion and Alex thinks that this might be the cutest thing Olivia's ever done in her presence.

"It's morning?" She asks, her voice still thick and heavy with sleep.

"Mhmm, 7 am to be exact."

Olivia frowns slightly when she realizes it. "Oh." Alex shakes her head immediately, holding up a hand to let her silently know that it's alright. Olivia nods lightly, but can't bring herself to smile.

"You okay?" Alex whispers, voice barely audible. A small sigh escapes from Olivia's throat as she brushes her bangs away from her face. Her hair had grown out sub sequentially over the past few years and had gotten a bit lighter as well. Alex smiled at the realization.

"No, I-" Olivia stops, feeling her eyes welling up again with tears.

She bites her bottom lip as she feels the tightening in her chest again, knowing-just knowing it's a matter of time before she loses it once more. She does, moments later, and finds herself buried in the crook of Alex's neck as the blond rubs her back in small, comforting circles.

Soothing words are whispered in her ear, but no matter how soothing they are, it won't heal the hole in her heart. "It's okay," Alex says, kissing the top of Olivia's head. "You're safe now."

Olivia sniffles and pulls back, sad eyes boring into Alex's curious ones.

"Want to tell me what that was about?" Alex asks, chuckling slightly.

Olivia swallows the snowball in her throat as she reaches forward, cupping Alex's left cheek in her hand. She brushes it lightly with the pad of her thumb, a weak smile grazing her face.

"Don't leave again." She croaks, voice raspy. This time, it's Alex's turn to be confused. With a raised eyebrow, she replies to Olivia.

"What do you mean?"

"I just," Olivia pauses, sighing in defeat. "Every time I see you I think of that night, and every time I think you're going to go away again. I can't bare to lose you a second time."

Alex smiles weakly. She understands now.

"Olivia," She muses. "I'm not going anywhere again. I promise. Oh, and by the way-" She leans into Olivia, her lips brushing her ear lobe as she whispers the last few words. "I think of it all the time too."


	2. 02

**Note: **Sorry for the delay, I sort of lost the spark for the story-well, that and everything else in my life went straight to hell. So, it's needless to say I've been a tad busy and updates may be slow due to college and what not, but I will update.

_"There's a corner of your heart for me.__  
__There's a corner of your heart just for me.__  
__I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart.__  
__Just to stay in the corner of your heart." _

Corner of your heart-Ingrid Michaelson.

Chapter Two.

Her voice is caught in her throat as she lays in bed beside the disheveled brunette. It's been 24 hours since she stepped foot inside the brown stone apartment. Turning on her side, Alex adverts her eyes out to the city, smiling in amazement at the lights just in front of her eyes.

She'd missed this when she was away. She missed lying with the brunette, watching the sun go down and talking-just talking about everything and anything. But the best part of it all, is that when they spoke it had nothing to do with their cases or their work. It was just about life and everything else that pertained to it.

She chews on her lip, an old habit she picked up in Wisconsin, when she feels it. Olivia's hand is snaking up her side to her shoulder blade. Cupping it, she pulls the blond back onto her back and eventually over to her. Alex smirks. She knew Olivia wasn't asleep, she just wanted to see how long it'd take her to notice Alex wasn't either.

"I've missed you." She muses, pulling the blond so that she was now on her left side, facing the brunette.

"I'm right here." Alex replies, smiling lightly. Olivia grins, groggily and wipes the sleep from her eyes.

"I meant while you were gone."

"So, how long did it take for you to realize I was awake?" Alex asks, throwing the brunette a playful smirk.

"The same time it took me to realize that you were doing what you always do when we're in bed together. Staring out the window at the city."

"Touché, Miss Benson. Touché."

….

"I wish every day could be like this." Olivia speaks, voice soft and raspy having just woken up a few hours prior. The two were now seated on Alex's couch again, both watching the news and drinking coffee, as per usual every morning. It was a routine for them, one that still after all of this time, never got old.

"Yes, but I have to admit-I do love my job." Alex replies, laughing. Olivia grins. She loves Alex's laugh, it's so light, so perfect-just like her.

"So," Olivia begins, tucking one leg underneath her and keeping the other one dangling over the couch. "Tell me something. Something I would never in a million years know, or think to know about you."

"Like…" Alex asks, trailing off as she takes a sip of her coffee.

"I don't know. Anything, anything at all."

"Alright well," She pauses, trying to think of something she hasn't told the brunette-which in reality with the time they've been together, hasn't been all that much. She didn't like to delve into her past much, it was too messy, too painful for her taste. She takes a deep breath before continuing, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't speak with my parents much, well-really, I don't speak with them at _all_."

Olivia nods, slightly puzzled as to why Alex wouldn't speak with her parents. Of course, Olivia had _her_ reasons, those being blatantly obvious-her father was nonexistent and her mother was dead. But this, this was Alexandra Cabot-not Olivia Benson by any means.

"Why not?" The brunette asks, placing a comforting hand on the blonde's knee.

Alex shrugs and adverts her eyes to her coffee cup which makes Olivia think that if she looks down any further she's going to need a snorkel.

"Oh c'mon," Olivia laughs, disbelievingly. "You have to have _some_ reason why. What is it?"

"We just…" Alex pauses, sucking in a sharp breath. "Don't get along, that's all."

"I see." Olivia stops there, knowing when not to push the border. She wants to know, but at the same time-realizes that when Alex wants to explain it, she will. Olivia's not one to push someone into saying something unless they're a perp, or a difficult victim who knows they need to speak up-but refuse too.

An awkward silence follows in suit, both women unsure of what to say as they sip their coffee and continue to watch the news which was currently talking about the war going on. Alex cringed, she hated it. She didn't mind the people serving for the country, in fact she was proud of them, but she didn't like the _reason_ they were fighting. She found it rather petty and stupid and honestly, often wished for them to just end it now and send the troops home.

Olivia sighed softly, glancing over at the blond. She knew Alex distasted the war, which is why she instantly grabbed the remote to change the channel, stopping only when Alex put her hand on top of Olivia's.

"Don't." She whispered. "It's fine. You watch, I'm uhm, going to go get changed."

Alex leaves without another word, setting her empty coffee mug on the table before disappearing from the room, leaving Olivia alone and on the couch. Alex knows what's going to happen, it always does. She always gets the dizzy, light headed feeling before, the tingling in her chest as she closes the door to her bedroom behind her and sits on her bed. Setting her face in her hands, she takes in a deep breath, then another until it happens. Her throat begins to close up, the tingling in her chest had become a full blown rage-aching and unbearable and hot tears are dripping down her cheeks and onto the satin material of her pajama pants.

Olivia hears it from the hall. She knows what's going on. It happens all the time. Sighing sadly, she shuts off the television, sets her mug down beside the blonde's and pads towards the bedroom. The door opens softly and she sees her. Alex is sitting on the edge of the bed, having yet another, panic attack. They never used to be this frequent, but ever since she's returned from WPP they've gotten worse.

"Al." She whispers, voice cracking at the sight. She hates to see this happening, to see her in pain. Alex doesn't notice it though, notice her-she sits there shaking and gripping at the material of her thin shirt, crying heavily. All Alex knows right now is the bone crushing pressure in her chest, the dull ache in her heart and the hum in her head. She doesn't know that Olivia is now beside her until the brunette actually wraps her arms around her waist. Alex glances over at her, vision blurred as she drops her head into the crook of Olivia's neck. Within minutes, the pain has dissipated, the tears having stopped, the hum in her head gone. Sniffling, she wipes her nose on her sleeve as she lifts her head to look Olivia in the eyes, a small, apologetic feature etched onto her face. Olivia smiles weakly and shakes her head, telling the blond silently that she had nothing to be sorry for.

"You okay?" Olivia croaks, stroking the blonde's cheek with the pad of her thumb. Alex nods, licking her lips as she leans into her. Their lips brush lightly, ever so lightly before Olivia's gripping at Alex's waist, and Alex is pulling Olivia on top of her. A sudden rush runs through her as Alex smirks, throwing back the bed covers of a bed she just made hours ago, and pulling Olivia back in it.

It's a blur really. All of it is quick and fast and both women are panting by the time it's over, happy and delirious as if the slight turn of events earlier hadn't happened. Holding Alex by her waist, Olivia smiles as she notices the blonde's eyes begin to flutter and Olivia knows it's only a matter of seconds before Alex falls back into a deep sleep. Kissing her lightly on the forehead, Olivia smiles and rests her chin on the blonde's head, her own eyes closing as well.

This was how it was supposed to be. Happy, blissful, not scattered and fucked up like Alex had been just moments ago. This was how it was supposed to be, forever-and Olivia was going to make damn sure it would happen by making Alex face her demons, whatever they may be.


End file.
